Wherein the Snake Proves She can be as Petty and Juvenile as Any Teen
January 22, 2006
7:40 p.m., MT

It's been a regular source of bemusement to me when I go to conferences and such and get "celebrity treatment" from others there. I've done nothing to warrant it, so I get uncomfortable from it, especially if it persists very long. Anyone who might view me in such a light, click the "link" at the end of this post (behind the curtain), bookmark it, and anytime you're tempted to view me as a guru or otherwise enlightened, reread it.

I've made no secret of the fact that I've botched some relationships of late. Less obvious, perhaps, is the fact that I'm trying to repair some of them -- particularly ones where I've good reason to believe both sides are interested in that. Without going into a lot of detail, in some cases others were involved in past difficulties. I was hoping to leave that behind me. But I saw something today that leads me to think that one of those individuals, of whom I had mostly thought well, is not so worthy of esteem after all.

I told myself a long time ago that I'd be better off ignoring this person. I thought I'd been doing that fairly successfully. But, as I sit here and seethe, I don't think I've made a bit of progress. I'm wishing I could lash out, which I know is pointless and stupid, but I can't rid myself of the destructive desire.

This entire thing is so juvenile and retarded that I don't want to share the details with any confidants, because I know they'll tell me, "Sunni, grow up!" I'm telling myself the same damn thing. But it isn't working. So I'm spitting out this cryptic confession, hoping that it'll help me chill. It's helped some, but not enough.

And there you have it. Look back to this the next time you consider looking to me for advice or leadership. I can't even keep my own life on an even keel.

Sunni

Comments: 8 people have contributed to the conversation

On Sunday, January 22nd, at approximately 8:45 p.m. Mountain time, Wolf DeVoon said:

Personal is personal and professional is impersonal. Always good to be candid, but it won't change anything. The world wants your deserved celebrity, a thoughtful, courageous part-time self who can't be bought off or held hostage.

On Sunday, January 22nd, at approximately 9:08 p.m. Mountain time, Jorge said:

Just shows that you are human. At least you are trying to improve and make things better, which is more than can be said for 99% of humanity.

So be your fallible, emotional, imperfect self, and a leader in the freedom movement. The two are not incompatible.

On Sunday, January 22nd, at approximately 9:20 p.m. Mountain time, jeffrey smith said:

you speak your mind, and you don't like the way things are, and think it can be a different better way. That it in itself makes you a standout.

And I defy any person below the level of bodhisattva to not get irked with some people from time to time. Hillel never lost his temper, but he didn't suffer fools either.

However, if you want to put your emotion to better use, then whenever you think of this individual, simply substitute George W Bush for him and continue to seethe with full assurance of justice on your side.

On Monday, January 23rd, at approximately 4:28 a.m. Mountain time, Ian Scott said:

Sometimes, the best leaders are those who don't think they are leaders, because they recognize reality and their own "issues."

No one can "grow up" until they are ready to do so, regardless of the circumstances. My own philosophy is that sometimes events are "sent" to us, because we need to learn something.

I realize I have no objective premise for believing such a thing, but that perspective sometimes helps me to figure stuff out when I can't quite figure stuff out

On Monday, January 23rd, at approximately 8:30 a.m. Mountain time, Billy Beck said:

"I never liked any of you sonsofbitches, but I always wished I could have."

Nothin' to it, Kiddo. Press on.

On Monday, January 23rd, at approximately 8:28 p.m. Mountain time, William's Dad said:

Ohh, Ohh... can I get your autograph!
Gush, Gush...

You're still... someone I respect ... even if you are merely human...

On Monday, January 23rd, at approximately 10:16 p.m. Mountain time, Herself said:

It does us all good to ask ourselves, from time to time, what toes we have stepped on, what souls we have bruised, especially with our most hasty or careless acts. Could be we have piled up debts we have not considered.

...Some of which cannot be paid back. There are actions that cannot be undone and persons so different to oneself or so heedless of how others react, that there's no fixing it. Sometimes you have to weigh your perceptions of good and bad in another, make your best judgement and act on it. Not every breach needs fixed; some are better left to widen or shrink on their oen.

--Herself

On Tuesday, January 24th, at approximately 11:40 a.m. Mountain time, Sunni said:

Thanks, all. The situation still rankles, but not nearly as much. It's really way past time for me to move on from this. And I am.

W.D., if you ask me that in person, and I know it's you, you're likely to get, er, something extra along with the John Hancock! Heh.

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