What’s a Good Parent To Do?

I thought the choices were all pretty good and wondered how in the world I could pick just one. Then I looked closely at the answers while comparing them to each other. Not being a parent myself, though discussing this kind of thing regularly with my wife, I'm sure there is much I'm missing from actual reality and experience - and nothing really trumps experience, IMO.

I chose "Respect." I chose respect because as I compared the other answers, many of them would stem from respect, anyway. The one exception to that would be material comfort, which I suspect was a snare set by a clever snake, and that was never really an option.

Hmmm, PintofStout has an interesting take on it. I am unclear. In general I do not like "most important" or "the best" type questions. Many things are very important. In the context of raising a child many things are necessary, but not sufficient. To say that one or the other is most important is misleading at best.

Given the choices I'll go with respect, but will decline voting.

I always have big problems with tests or questionnaires, simply because my usual answer is, "That depends on..." ---so I didn't "vote."

PintofStout hit it. "Respect" is related to most of the choices. Respect for others, truth, those who disagree with us, and for ourselves is probably at the top of the list. With that respect, children learn non-aggression and true self worth/ self responsibility.

And, to state the obvious, the best way they learn any of that is by the example of the adults around them.

Having never been in a position to raise someone from birth to age 10, I probably am not qualified to participate, but I do see a problem with these choices. "Respect" is the only one of them I feel in a position to give. The other seven options are out of my complete control to one extent or another.

Self-esteem especially seems to me something the child has to find on his/her own. You can love and respect that child but you can't give self-esteem. You'll never give total safety unless you cage them — an important distinction that government types (the well-meaning ones) never understand. You can impose and expose them to consistent discipline and material comforts and education, but those seem to have more to do with training than with a gift. Learning is an internal thing, and so are self-esteem and socialization and discipline. I suppose you can provide an example of what those things look like, but I don't know how you "give" those things to another person.

And "the truth"? What a concept. We can hardly agree on what the truth is, so I don't know how you can give it to a child.

Maybe I just need a few definitions, but as I look at these eight things, I have the power to give my respect to another person, but the rest of these seem to be more or less out of my power. Perhaps if I had spent time serving as a father to folks this age, I'd have a better understanding of what you mean.

I voted for respect, as have all the other four voters at the time I started this. I voted for respect because, running down the list of possible answers:

Consistent Discipline - I regarded this as similar to truth. The parent would not make up rules convenient at the time only to change them later. At some point that would be lying, right?

The Truth - This actually goes for everybody, not just kids under 10; have enough respect for them not to blatantly lie, cover up, or dance around issues. A softening of facts is possible without having to alter them into something else, but care must be taken to avoid this.

Safety - In as much as anyone can actually provide this, I assumed that one can respect the others existence enough not to actually place them in harm's way. This explanation is a little thin, but absolute safety is a near-impossibility anyway.

Material Comforts is right out. Not many readers here would actually agree that material comfort is primary concern, I think.

The bottom three Education, Socialization, and Self-Esteem, like BW said, can't be given. Respecting this small person allows the space and consideration for such things to occur, though, sometimes by your example.

I'd say by far, the most important skill we've been (attempting sometimes it seems) to teach the spawn is the ability for critical thinking.

Colonel Custard in the Library (this probably doesn't work since you require logins :b)

Growing your own, to borrow your phrase, is a lot like creating a tapestry on a loom. You have your warp threads, held under tension vertically, and the weft threads interwoven horizontally among the warp, and together they create the patterned cloth. Each thread is important and part of the whole process. If you dote too much on one set of threads and ignore the others you end up with thick, uneven lumpy areas surrounded by thin, barren areas.

Just as no two tapestries are exactly alike, no two children are alike. As a parent, I think it's best to read the art, so to speak, to decide what way the threads need to be woven together to create a complete piece of cloth. Some days the thread will tangle. You may be able to untangle them, and sometimes you need to cut out the knot and figure out how to start up again. Does the tension need to be adjusted? Are you using the right colors for the weft? Other days, your weaving sings to you; you just get it and enjoy it thoroughly. You can see the tapestry take shape and grow in beauty, strength and complexity.

And like any hand made craft, there will be "mistakes." And sometimes those little quirks are the things you love the most about the finished tapestry.

I may be losing my mind. I could swear I posted this comment already; however, I do not see it here so I'm reposting. Anyway, I thought this was very easy. I voted for Respect with no qualms or nits to pick.

Yeah, that’s the ticket. His first comment pretty much gave it away. I tend to see many parental issues as distilling down to respect, or the lack thereof, for a child. For me, even the ability to love someone is heavily invested in the degree to which I respect the person. Respecting an individual to me means that one acknowledges that person’s inherent value qua person. Just as adults respect their friends’s preferences and choices, I do think that parents ought to respect their children more than they often do. (Yes, of course I am guilty here. I have improved a great deal, however.)

I had hoped to foster some discussion with the poll, but that didn’t really happen. Did I just set this poll up poorly, or are y’all just not interested in doing the poll thing here?