Approaching Eudaimonia

Well, it's that day again—the one I have devoted to at least a little deliberate navel-gazing for a few decades now. I'll be doing that in my chamber of confidences, so follow me only if you're interested such doings.

It's been exactly two weeks since I reflected on negativity and thinking too much. I've made some good progress there, but I can't say that I've been able to shut off the Inner Critic yet. However, I'm not so sure that's necessary. I'm finding that focusing on how I want to be has been a tremendous help in shifting not just my attitude, but my behavior. And it doesn't involve (for me, anyway) a deliberate sequence of thoughts to work through: I just tell myself that I'm a competent person who accomplishes things, and I simply do it. From writing to getting chores done around the house to sticking with several healthy changes in diet and exercise, it's getting done. I'm not as effective as I want to be yet, but I'm enjoying the progress and looking forward to more, rather than berating myself for not having scaled the entire wall already.

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As a result of recent writings and subsequent conversations springing from them, I've made an important discovery about myself that has been immensely liberating for me. I shan't say more today, because an exposition of it has already been completed and is forthcoming at Endervidualism. But, once my schedule settles down to its typical pandemonium, I expect you'll start noticing manifestations here. Hope it doesn't scare too many of you away ...

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In a recent private conversation, I remarked that I realize I shall never be perfectly happy. I view that insight as a liberation, but my friend seemed to take it as a strike against me—as if I would therefore be some kind of Gloomy Gloria to the end of my days. I think my friend misunderstood what I meant.

To the extent that perfect happiness exists, I think it does only in innocent, carefree minds. Ones without experiences of deep pain, of Pyrrhic victories or of making excruciating decisions ... in short, minds that are relatively untainted by the complexities of life and living. So it isn't surprising that I think children are the most natural candidates for showing this kind of happiness. And it does seem to be pleasurable to them, but in observing my children experience it, I really wouldn't trade it for my more nuanced happiness.

For me, part of my happiness stems from the knowledge of what it's taken to get where I am. I haven't experienced most of the serious challenges that many individuals face, but I've had my share of knocks and tough times. And mostly, I've faced them in a way that I am proud of; more importantly, I've faced them and learned from each of them. I'm a much better person for having done so. Another part is knowing where I want to be, and seeing how I'm working to get there. I am capable, I can succeed ... mostly all I need to do is let myself succeed—battle the negativity as much as the real challenges along the way. But even that is pleasurable, because they test me; they enable me to plumb my character further, to be both delighted by unexpected resources and chastened by flaws—and inspired to address them.

What I'm experiencing, and working to increase in my life, is eudaimonia, a contented state of happiness and flourishing. Note the active gerund there. I'm finally grokking that many of the things I, and many of us freedom-lovers, are seeking aren't states of being—they're processes or frames of mind rather than static end points. As we achieve, we discover more worth reaching for. And so it goes, day after day.

Last year on my birthday, I noted that that day on the year prior [that would be 2004 if you're getting confused here] was a turning point for me. It was, because I had chosen to make it so. Last year I was still building up steam ... or so it appears to me now. With the ongoing help of some wonderful friends (including a gent at The Boondocks whose recent, inspiring post on eudaimonia is only available to members now visible to all who're interested), I find myself in a much more contented frame of mind. I know that whether I'm lodged in pavement or nestled in a mountain meadow, I am flourishing and will continue to do so. Part of the reason why is expressed in the song I noted atop this entry, Dear Abby:

You have no complaint
You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't
So listen up buster, and listen up good
Stop wishin' for bad luck and knockin' on wood

Part of it is also because I want to, of course. But now, I'm wanting to end my rambles and enjoy this beautiful sunny day.

[Update 9/15 p.m.: You might wish to check out Kirsten's shitty advice if you found my ramblings worthwhile.]