Ups and Downs

I don't do it much, because I generally don't like revealing sufficient details for y'all to grok, but part of why I finally decided to blog was being able to vent. So it was with my entry of a few days ago. A deep thanks to everyone who wrote me afterward -- that was quite a warm and very thoughtful, supportive response I received, both here and in email. I appreciate it all more deeply than I can say.

I am doing okay, even though that situation hasn't changed a bit since I wrote about it Sunday. I don't like the impending change any more than I did then, but I choose to think about that in the context of an emotion check: the measure of my unhappiness is a measure of how much I value what I will soon be without. I've had several experiences where I thought I valued something a lot, but then when it never came to being, or was lost or destroyed, it just didn't matter that much to me. I didn't need confirmation of that in my "mysterious" case, but all the same it's nice to know that head and heart, so to speak, are in the same place.

On the positive side, two dreams of mine appear to be closer to fruition than I dared expect. One is a very old, quite frivolous, materialistic dream that I never held a real hope of making happen. And, truth be told, I'm not doing anything to make it happen -- it's Lobo's doing, and he didn't even know about this dream of mine when he first took steps down this course. Isn't life wacky sometimes ...

The second is a newer, and much more serious, freedom-oriented dream. It's within grasp by dint of circumstance and another beloved pointing out a good opportunity; it could become real in just a few hours. I couldn't sleep last night, I was so excited -- and yet I know not to count a single egg, even this close to grasping the dream.

To the extent that this blathering has any point(s), it's that I'm okay, and that I'm not wallowing in a funk over what the future might hold. I've never been a worrier ... and once I can vent some emotional excess, I typically get a firmer grip on the situation, and do what I can to make my life better. And, as is usually the case with me, the wonderful friends I have assist with that -- sometimes knowingly, sometimes not, but always in such a way that I'm left hoping I'm half as good to them as they are to me.

The last "up" is one I got wind of just before starting to write this. Yesterday was my very dear friend Tom Ender's birthday, and even though I forgot that, I did send him an email which acknowledged in a more general way how much his friendship and business collaboration both mean to me. Today he published a review of one of my favorite movies -- Harold and Maude. It's a splendid movie on many levels, and Tom doesn't spoil one of the best parts in his review. Now I've gotta try to get time to see it again -- dare I hope for tonight?