Relationships

I’ve been thinking a fair bit about Pint of Stout’s upcoming thought–party, An Inquiry into the Soul. Although I’m not sure how to accomplish it just yet, I hope to contribute. Then, The Shadow’s Thoughts on Ataraxia veered my rambling ideas into a related (but only tangentially) direction: what is a successful life?

Once more I find myself to be well outside the norm of USSA culture. And as usual, I view that as a good thing. However, to the degree that my assessment is accurate, it’s a dismal commentary on our society.

I recently stumbled across a quotation I’d written on a slip of paper some time ago. I didn’t record any reference along with it, so I don’t know where I encountered this statement by Ferdinand Protzman on love. Since reading it, it’s occupied a fair amount of space in my mind ... but I can’t really compose a well-crafted summation of my responses to it.

Anyone who cares to share their responses is welcome to do so in the comments. I’ll join in, as I can: much of my day will be spent in the kitchen, making truffles and caramels. Here’s the quote:

Love can alter people’s lives in positive ways .... It can also break their hearts, crush their spirits, and kill them.

One thing that occurred to me is that we never know where our loving someone might go; even when love starts out as a positive thing, it can lead to enormous pain.

In a very good post on quitting (the comments on it so far are good, too), Kirsten incidentally offers this bit on compromise:

By compromising again and again ... we ended up with lives that were tolerable but nothing close to what either of us really wanted.

Oh boy, can I relate ... and many thoughts and questions spring to mind as a result, but I’ve a lot of things to do today, so it’ll have to wait for another time.

Everybody assumes they know what the social contract is, but no two people agree on it in every particular. That tends to make a mockery of the “conform or leave” arguments.

From Bacchus of Eros blog.

I knew, just from reading the title, that I would be sputtering with indignation if I clicked through to read Is a taste of deceit with carrots so bad for kids?. I clicked. Consider yourselves warned.

[T]his is how society works. Some people become attached to, and find meaning from, things that other people do not care for or understand. There's no point in judging how other people find meaning and happiness in non-traditional communities. The important thing is to celebrate that they did find meaning and happiness.

From James Leroy Wilson, in Cyber Salvation. Inspiring stories leading to this quote, too.

(For all my teevee-watching friends: I shall try to remember this lesson.)

As struck as I was by this understanding when I first encountered it, it’s become an uncomfortable truth for me of late. I’ve tried to dodge it ... tried to find a rationalization or exemption that would cover my actions, but I have come to the realization that I can’t weasel around it.

You could die today, you know. So could I. For some of us, such thoughts regularly niggle at our minds, irrespective of whether there’s a good reason for them to tug at our attention. I’ve tried to turn that almost ever-present sense of mortality into a source of motivation—a way to help me live the life I dream, rather than sleepwalking through most of it. So I guess it won’t come as any surprise to you seven that when I read this over at B.W.’s place, I had quite an intense reaction.

And the reason why I haven’t commented sooner in this space is because I didn’t want my response to be too personal—I don’t know B.W.’s commenter, “CK”, and I didn’t want to give the impression of attacking him or her. But last night, as I lay and waited for sleep to embrace my mind, I realized that a large part of my reaction to CK’s comment arose from the attack s/he mounted on my friend—one I am all too familiar with. And thus I cannot let it pass unchallenged.

Originally, the bit about change in the quote I posted yesterday caught my attention ... but later, thinking about it more, the “love the people who treat you right” phrase started tickling my brain. And it still hasn’t stopped.

Good grief. We finally get home, and I check in at a few places I like to visit, and I see that at a couple, old wounds aren’t just being picked at or salted, they are being sliced deeper. Like pain much, you guys?

Whew! What a couple of days it’s been ... first I was cooking like crazy, and today came the payoff, so to speak.

And wow, is it a good one ... almost counters the long spans between her sharings. Just a morsel from The 7 C’s: an Ideological or Social Spectrum:

"Political spectrums" are used to diagnose and categorize attitudes toward government. This 7 C's "ideological spectrum" I've been contemplating for some time, I perceive as a broader tool relating to social attitudes or human relations. It seems reasonable to suggest that individuals generally lean toward one side of this spectrum or the other, and that as a majority (the herd) in society shift their thinking and behavior toward using Courtesy, or toward Control and Coercion, its institutional mechanisms gradually reflect those shifts.

Therefore, if there's a key to "changing the world," I think people generally have the idea backward. .... Gandhi had a brighter idea: he said, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

I have just finished reading it – a slow skim, truth be told – but I’m impressed with her hierarchy. Perhaps that’s just because it resonates so well with my way of being, though. I’m sure Cat joins me in being interested in any responses our gentle readers might care to share.

Is this something that’s part of the parental territory? Or part of the “wisdom” that’s supposed to come with aging? Or am I just losing my mind?

Warning: lots of self-indulgent emoting and navel-gazing follows.